Found it!!

Found my Christmas Spirit!

I was driving to work today, and "Do they know it's Christmas?" came on the radio. As i remembered what it was like back in winter of 1984, with the Ethiopian famine, and how Bob Geldof organized so many rock stars and others with huge egos and managed to do something that would allow me, a high-schooler in California to participate. A friend of mine and I pooled our resources and bought the record--she has it now, but I did get a recording of it on cassette tape. Of course, now I have it from iTunes. But it accomplished what nothing else seemed too--it got me into the Christmas spirit. because this really is the time of year when it's all about giving, far more than receiving.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

yeah, yeah, whatever

I know, I know, I haven't posted in a month. I have some serious picture downloading to do and then I'll tell you all about my niece's wonderful wedding, my friend's fabulous experience on our NYC trip, and Thanksgiving by the beach. Promise. Maybe even some cat antics.

But I got to thinking today, it's supposed to be Christmastime, and I really just don't feel very Christmas-y right now. Then I thought, what makes it feel like Christmas?

Is it the lights? The trees? The cold winter breeze?
Is it the carols and songs we hear only once a year?
Is it family and friends and cards and presents?
What makes it feel like Christmas?

Sorry, I don't really have an answer for you, but if you have one I'd love to hear it. I need to give this more thought. Maybe I just haven't slowed down since I got back from my trip. Maybe I need more hot chocolate and maybe a few cinnamon sticks in some hot apple cider. I'll take suggestions as well.

In other news...

I love having Home Teachers. Last night my HT came over with his little sons and he replaced my smoke alarms. No more going off because of the humidity!! I think I mentioned that I like to have my windows open, but then when it's humid outside the humidity comes in and that set off the old smoke alarms which I'm sure were indigenous to the house (installed when the house was built). But now I have nice new ones, and I'll have to remember to change the batteries and everything, but they also came with a mute button just in case they decide to go off for random things.

Another performance of our Fairy Tale Theater tomorrow, in Columbia this time. If someone records it I'll be sure to post the link again. Hopefully some people from my ward will come, it would be nice to have more friends in the audience.

I upgraded my iPhone with the new OS 5. I can now access iCloud. Not that I have any other Macs at home or whatever, but still. I feel so... so... 'NOW'. Just wait until I get my iPad! I'm thinking probably sometime before my trip in November. I'm going to put my movies on it so I can watch them on the plane. Yay!

And basically keeping up with my TV shows. A couple new ones start this week: Once Upon a Time, and Grimm. Chuck finally starts back this week too. And I may be adding the one about the police detective that remembers everything. I watched it last week and it was intriguing. I like cop shows. Can you guess? No, please don't suggest CSI or L&O. Been there, done that, got really, really paranoid. I prefer the unrealistic ones.

Taking a break

I'm taking a break from tracking this week. Tracking every little thing I eat. I haven't been good at it for months now, and it shows in my lack of progress in the weight-loss arena (no, I don't get to be Glinda this year for Halloween, I'll just pull out my purple witches cloak and go from there). So I thought I would give myself a break. After about two days of not tracking. So I really just made it official. I can maintain this weight fairly easily without even trying. So why am I paying Weight Watchers to maintain my weight? We're coming up on a new session starting Monday, so this really is the time to give this some thought.

Pros of keeping with Weight Watchers

• Support Group. these people are amazing. Like J who came in starting at the middle of last year and has lost ove 150 lbs. B who has lost over 60 lbs--she started when I did three years ago, and while she hasn't made goal yet, if I'd followed her example I'd have lost 60 lbs by now too. Diana, our leader, is inspirational and motivating, and sends out a weekly email as well as keeping a blog (Thin Thinking, she's on my list).
• materials. I love stuff. They have trackers and books and snacks and worksheets and booklets and recipe books and all kinds of stuff. All designed to help you keep focused.
• eTools. They have an app for that. I can track on my iPhone, look up recipes, make meals, check out nutritional information at restaurants, just about anything.
• I did actually lose 15 lbs. When I followed the program. And I have kept it off for about three years.
• I do actually have better eating habits than I did, and I know what foods I really just need to not buy (potato chips--actually, just about anything with potatoes--bread, crackers--sensing a theme here?)
• My activity level is actually higher than it was three years ago.
  

Cons of staying with Weight Watchers

• Price. It does cost. It's about 80% cheaper than any other diet you can try (mostly because you eat all your own food, not theirs--they want you to eat normal food so it's easier to maintain once you reach goal). Once I reach goal and become a lifetime member, I won't have to pay anymore, but it has been three years of virtually no progress.
• I don't follow the program. I don't track, or rather, I track until I get home from work and then I eat constantly until bedtime. If I want something and I'm out of points for the day, and out of weekly points for the week, I just eat it anyway. This is the behavior I really need to change.
  
• No Mexican Mondays. My friends at work go to El Azteca for lunch on Mondays. My meeting is on Monday at lunchtime. Conflict!

Desire: I really do want to lose weight. Reasons for doing so (and yes, I do believe these ar ein order:

• Health reasons. I need to lose weight in order to be healthy and live well. Still not convinced I want to live to be 100, but living to 80 to be with my nieces and nephews and their children would be really nice. Plus that whole, "Run and not be weary, walk and not faint" thing is quite attractive.
  
• Clothes. I can never find cute clothes in my size, and when I do, I have to alter them because I'm 5'1" and the world isn't made for short fat people. Even petite sizes, while better, don't often come in big enough sizes.
• Sisters. Oh yes, really want to lose weight so they will tell me I look great. Is that sad or what?

So it seems fairly obvious what I need to do. Stick it out, track religiously, and maybe by Christmas there will be noticeable improvement. but meanwhile I have the weekend. I think I'm going to make cupcakes. With all the little lower-fat tricks, of course, but still!

Quote of the day

“I believe when we determine within our hearts that by and with the blessings of God our Heavenly Father we will accomplish a certain labor, God gives the ability to accomplish that labor; but when we lay down, when we become discouraged, when we look at the top of the mountain and say it is impossible to climb to the summit, while we never make an effort it will never be accomplished. “ Heber J. Grant

I tell myself that I don't expect results with my weight loss goals as long as I continue to not follow the guidelines of Weight Watchers. However, I still wake up every morning wishing I had.

Went to the PA Rennaissance Festival on Saturday (more on that in a different post, this one is more introspective), and as we were leaving I once again tripped and fell. I used to fall a lot more when I would insist on wearing shoes that were slightly too small, but once I started wearing shoes that were big enough I stopped falling as much. Now I'm thinking one reason I fall is because I have small feet, and it's too easy to overbalance when I weigh this much.

So today I have bruises and scrapes on my arms and knees--actually not as bad as some I've had, I can still kneel down if I need to, but the pain is making me grumpy. Mostly my arm where I have a nice bench-shaped bruise from where my arm landed. I was grumpy all yesterday at church too, and at home all I did was read because that's all I wanted to do. Time for some Tylenol, I think. Ibuprophin is ok, but didn't really help the pain, just the mobility.

So this week's goal is to have three carb-free days, not necessarily in order, but today is the first day. Because carbs are my weakness. Which is how I got to be this big in the first place.

heaven help me stay focused.

Hello Again

Been a busy couple of months. Danja's Wedding went very well (pictures are on facebook, friend me if you're not a friend already). I managed to spend a lot more time with my brother B and his wife than with their kids this time, and I actually slept quite a bit. It was really nice. Family reunion squeezed into the wedding time, well, ok, right after we finished decorating the cultural hall at the local stake center we--Dad, me, my brothers and sisters and interested spouses--sat in a circle and conducted family business. The most important part, to me, is that the reunion in 2013 will be in Maryland!!! YAY!!! It will be so fun for me to have my family come!

Meanwhile, at work we've held a Mission Simulation, simulating Commissioning activities for the instrument teams. It went very well. Enough problems so that we were sure we were on the right track, but nothing major or show-stopping. Plus we got lunch brought in for three days, which is always fun (if not so good for my diet).

Church, well, is what it is. Summertime in Nursery with people taking vacations, you'd think there'd be less kids, but no, it's the adults we're short of this year.

Rehearsals for Rumors are going well. We all need to work on our lines more, but I suppose that's natural. Performances are August 12, 13, and 20 at 8:00pm (I think that's the right time), and 21st at 2:00pm (yes, I'll have to miss church again that day, but I can go to the earlier ward so that works out ok). Oh, and this one is not for kids. It's adult humor, and there's some language in it. For those in the area who might want to come :) I'll send out an email with the flyer when it's ready.

Other than that, I have been SICK. head cold, mostly, moving south into my lungs. Was doing better but last night two coughing fits and a cat that couldn't sleep makes today a lot harder. Sigh.

But at least now I'm caught up, right? So here's a parting thought: Focus on the positive. This brings better results than focusing on the negative, or even not focusing at all (according to a study published in the NY Times--still looking for the link for that, though). I will be better soon. And I did loose 2 lbs this week :)

Ratinos, trips, and plays

Ratinos

Got this as the word verification for my niece's blog just now. I can't decide if it's a kind of Latino rat or maybe something crunchy to eat. Thoughts?

Trips

I went to CA last weekend to see my Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill is getting old. He's probably around 90 or so. He's been in and out of the hospital since November, but in February decided he really had to move to an assisted living place. So that's where he is now. Since then he's had a stroke, and for a while there my Dad thought he'd be planning a funeral. I made the plans for the trip about two weeks before going, and after hearing about the stroke I was glad. I went thinking I was going to say good-bye. Imagine our surprise when we walked into his room that first day (Friday) and he was awake, aware, and happy to see us. About ready to cry from joy, but also from frustration as the stroke left him without the ability to speak properly. That trip Dad took me down and my brother Blaine and his wife Yoli met us there. It was a good visit. Uncle Bill's cable had been hooked up, and he was watching a basketball game. The facility he's in is very nice (Silverado retirement homes, in Tustin, CA), and one of his "adopted daughters" works there. Uncle Bill has never married, never had children of his own, but has gone out and "adopted" several other families, as well as making each of his nieces and nephews know how much he loved each of us. He is my example.

Saturday my brother David drove me down, and we watched part of our church's Annual General Conference with Uncle Bill. Again he was wide awake, happy to see us. He'd eaten all his breakfast that morning, too. We visited a little more, and talked about how to help with his communication problem a little. Then we returned back to my Dad's house (where we watched the afternoon session).

Spent Thursday and Friday afternoons with my brother David's kids--very fun, Wii, movies, and How I Met Your Mother, not to mention In-N-Out for dinner on Friday. Saturday my niece Leslie picked me up and we went to a movie then dinner at the Rainforest Cafe at Ontario Mills Mall. That was so fun. I love hanging out with my nieces and nephews.

Sunday morning I watched conference with my Dad and Nancy, then Blaine and Yoli and Leslie picked me up to go watch the afternoon session with Uncle Bill. My sister Dustie joined us there, which was great. Uncle Bill was so happy to see her too. He was a little more tired on Sunday. They'd taken him to go do his exercises that morning and tuckered him out. He was still awake, though, and got a little irritated at us for talking when we should be listening :) We brought him a little white board for him to write on, but it will take some practice as he was right-handed and that hand is now useless to him.

All in all, the trip was so much better than I expected. I'd expected to just be sitting by his bedside as he slept. I expected one trip down (it's about an hour from where my Dad and brothers live), hoped for two, and ended up with three. It was wonderful. I'm so glad I went. And here's hoping he sticks around until June, the next time I go out (when my niece gets married!!)

Plays

I'm in a play. I'm sure I've mentioned this. This week is Tech Week (aka dress rehearsals). As well as having several small parts, I'm also in charge of costumes. So I'm really busy. My cat thought when I got home from my trip I'd be HOME. But no. I'm gone every night until 10 or 10:30, then I work on costumes because they're not *quite* done, then sleep for a few hours before getting back up to go to work. Fortunately today is Friday, and I can rest a little tomorrow. Our first performance is tomorrow evening, at 7:30pm, the second one is on Sunday, at 2:00pm. Yes, I know, this means I'm missing church. I can go to a different ward in the morning, and maybe once a year or more it's ok. It's not like anyone's getting paid. Except the AV guys.

I thought it would be fun. I'm sure when I look back on it, it will have been fun. I am getting to know more people, and they are really fun people. But right now I'm just too tired to really care. And all my TV shows are piling up. Although I have been keeping up on my two reality shows (DwtS and AI(my first time watching that one)). I like to have something on while I sew, and they don't require a lot of attention. No plot twists. Although I have to say, Pia was ROBBED!!! Dang Casey for taking the save a couple weeks ago!! (although I was happy for that at the time) I hope someone picks her up, I would love to go see her, and love to have her music. Which I will have some of it, since it's available on iTunes, but I hope she gets to do much, much more.

Ok, back to the play. The Mouse that Roared. Very funny. If you're in the area, please come! Call me for directions (the play is free). And kid-friendly.

Ok, done babbling for now.

Another Legend Gone

Elizabeth Taylor has died.

She was 78. My mother always loved Liz Taylor. She loved the story about how Liz grew three inches over a summer so she could be the lead in National Velvet. Every movie I've seen her in, she's just so beautiful and graceful. Seeing her in The Taming of the Shrew should be required for all High School English courses.

I had the opportunity to see Carrie Fisher's new show last year, significant because Eddie Fisher was Liz's husband before Robert Burton. I can't recall if Eddie left Debbie Reynolds for Liz or not, but that's most likely.

I just love the stories of Old Hollywood, learned from my mother. They just don't make movies like they used to. In so many ways.

Grandma's life

As anyone who reads my blog knows, I struggle with my weight. I was thinking this morning about how my life compares to my grandma's life. She would work in the garden every day she could. She may have eaten a lot of meat and potatoes, but there were always fresh vegetables at her table. When they weren't fresh, they were veggies or fruits she'd preserved herself. Maybe if I followed her example a little more closely I would weigh a lot less. I may have to check into local farmer's markets. I did a 'Community Supported Agriculture" thing the last couple of years and ended up either giving away or throwing out most of it because I couldn't eat it all. And I don't have a big freezer. And I don't can my own veggies. And I'm tired when I get home. that's probably the biggest reason. But here I am, considering it once again, even though the couple I shared with last year isn't doing it this year. But that would mean I get to eat all the strawberries myself.

Ah, Christmastime!

Parties and shows and movies and so much yummy things to eat! But that's not what Christmas is all about. Lest we forget, it's about the wondrous Gift given almost 2000 years ago by Heavenly Father to us and then from Christ to us as he gave himself a ransom for our sins (ok, I am actually borrowing phrases from hymns, so sue me).

I was reminded of this last Sunday night as I went to the Christmas Devotional at the stake center. I normally just stay home and miss it, but this year I'd leant three of my nativities to the annual display, and needed to pick them up, so I went to the broadcast (something my church does every year the first Sunday in December). I sat and knit (I have to knit, my presents aren't finished yet!) and listened and was reminded of what's truly important.

I had a nice Thanksgiving at my friend Kellie's house. We were joined by another family, so the table was full, and the food was very yummy. Kellie and I then went to visit another friend, afterwards returning to watch an episode of LOST. Always a good time.

The next day I braved the stores, but not until about 9:00am, and hit a nice lull--the lines were actually fairly short, and the stores weren't crowded. I got all the fabric I should need for the next year for baby blankets, and even did some other shopping. Then home to put things away and cuddle with my kitty.

Kitty's been very nice lately (ok, not this morning, but that was my fault). I think she's trying to show me that she's the 'good' cat. Ani, on the other hand, is still hiding behind the futon in the basement. I bought him a nice fluffy pad that should help him keep warm, but it also has the effect that I can't see him when he's on it. In a day or two I'm going to switch it with the one I bought Kitty--identical pads (actually, two in one box), so maybe they can start getting used to one another's smell. Ani still seems quite timid, but does seem like he's adjusted to his new situation. I just need Ani and Kitty to not fight--even if they ignore each other, that would be ok too.

Went to see HP7 pt1 that weekend as well--I really liked it. My main frustration with the whole movie series is that they left out a couple of key things in the previous 2-3 movies that would have made the beginning of this movie make a lot more sense. I'm still mad they didn't include Dobby in Goblet of Fire, but oh well. I suppose I shall have to just deal with it. He's back in this movie, finally. they still skip over too many things, expecting people to have read the book, I imagine, but that's ok.

The last week has been rather tame as I have been busy at work trying to finish up a document. It's done now, thankfully. Got lots to do still at home to finish getting ready for Christmas. And I have no idea what to put in my annual Christmas letter!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Thanksgiving Time again

Around this time of year, I always get a little pensive. My favorite Thanksgivings were when I was growing up. We'd have the big family dinner, my Uncle Bill would come over, and sometimes we'd have other people too, friends and family. I remember one year, I think I was five, Dad put a plank on some sawhorses on the patio in the back yard, Mom dressed it up, and we had our family, Uncle Clive's family, and Uncle Bill all there. I remember the time I first was allowed to make cranberry sauce myself, and how I got splattered when the berries would pop. I remember the year I helped Mom in the kitchen, and I didn't want to do the yams, so I did everything else. Sadly, Mom burned her hand on the yams, taking them out of the oven, I think. I felt bad about that, but like Mom said, I was there helping. I remember the trips we'd make to the Sav-a-Minit market on the corner for those last-minute items--marshmellows, canned pumpkin, stuff like that. There was always a football game on TV, which was turned off during dinner.

My favorite part of the day, though, once dinner was over and mostly cleaned up (we would pick at the remains for hours--a small breakfast and dinner was all we got this day), a brother or sister would sit at the piano and we, my siblings and I, would sing Christmas songs for hours. Dad, being a Band Teacher, didn't want any Christmas songs in the house any earlier than after Thanksgiving dinner, since he had to deal with them starting in September. But this was my favorite part.

Sadly, as the years have gone by, my family has moved away from home, and going back for Thanksgiving just isn't the same now that my Mom has passed on. I don't think I've actually been back there since my nephew Limi was on his mission several years ago. I have had the priviledge of joining my sister Beckie at her house for Thanksgiving several times over the last 8 years they were on the East Coast. Of course, they're back in Utah now too.

One thing I've been thinking about is moving back West. I've even started looking at the JPL job site. I don't think this is something that will happen anytime soon, not until after at least 60 days after RBSP launches (currently scheduled for May 2012). But I'm keeping my eyes open for the opportunity. Like everything else in my life, when the time is right, the way will appear. The Lord takes care of me like that.

So this year I'll be joining friends for dinner and sleeping in my own bed at night. With my cats. Who don't even know that this is a holiday. But at least Kitty will be happy that I'm home, there to open the door for here whenever she wants. Well, mostly. I'm thinking about braving a couple stores on Friday, and on Saturday I'm meeting up with my friends in VA to see Harry Potter. Can't believe I haven't gone to see it yet. (no spoilers please!!!)

In other news, my friend's son, who's serving a mission in Singapore, assigned to the island of Pana-somehting at the moment, was in a serious accident. He was riding his bike and was hit from behind by a car. A big car. After several miracles and a couple of surgeries, it looks like he'll be ok, but any prayers or good thoughts you can send his way, I know the family would appreciate it. His name is Elder Jeremy Schone. The family moved to Utah in August, so really, all I can do is pray. And ask other people to add him to their prayers.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

A Day of Remembrance

July 23, 1982

A day I don't even remember. I was in transition between Jr High and High School (we had 3-year schools, elementary included 6th grade), going from being the top of the class to being nothing at all. I worked at the movie theater that summer, the same one my Dad and two of my brothers worked at. Lots of popcorn to be had. And there was a cute boy too, but I no longer remember his name.

This is the day that Vic Morrow lost his life. He was the star of the first segment of The Twilight Zone movie. The director decided to do this really stupid stunt with the real actors instead of stunt people. Vic and the two children he was carrying were killed by a helicopter in a tragic accident.



Why is this important to me now? Well, Vic Morrow was one of the two stars of Combat! which is my current focus. In trying to find out everything I could about the show, I found out a lot about its two stars, Vic and Rick Jason (I had an earlier post about Rick). I somehow managed to fall for this guy who was always the underdog, always cast as the villain. Except for in Combat! where he got to be the guy everyone turned to whenever they needed something.

His fellow actors always described him as a very generous, giving actor. They all loved to work with him. The producers of the show not so much, since Vic had a tendency to do what needed to be done on the episodes he directed, no matter how long it took. He was apparently quite difficult for the management to handle. But he watched out for his fellow actors and used his power for good. (I got most of this from the combatfan.com website, but there are articles and commentaries on the DVD's and other things out there too.)

It's probably a very idealistic fantasy that I've produced about him, romanticising someone who can't defend himself anymore.



It just makes me sad that I missed out on many of the Combat! actors--at least three of them are gone now--just because it took me so long to find them. Not that I even knew what I was missing.


And the movie Vic died for wasn't even that good.


But 5 seasons of Combat! surely were. Love you, Vic, wherever you might be.

bloging bloging

Ok, so I know I took a bit of a hiatus from blogging, but I've found like 5 people to add to my friend list this week! How on earth did I miss them?

Well, my sister Dustie just started her blog, my niece Danja is on a mission and my niece-in-law/Danja's sister-in-law updates her blog for her, and I just found Nicole's blog since they moved a while ago. Ok, so maybe only three. I was sure there was more though... I have it sorted by how frequently people have posted so I don't have to scroll through blogs that haven't been updated for months.

Plus catching up on what my friends have been doing has been great fun. I missed a lot. No worries, though, RL has calmed down and I'm starting to run out of Combat! fanfic to read. I even contributed one of my own (Squirrel's Story) Yeah, I have a call sign. I'm Squirrel. Because Claude Akins calls Kirby Squirrel in Season 5. Like you care, I know. But I have a thing for short scrappy guys who constantly get into trouble (hence my fascination with Pippen from Lord of the Rings). Although this story may not make sense if you haven't seen the show, but it might.

I'm currently in a meeting at work--a telecon, that I didn't have to fly out to Boulder CO to attend, so I get to sit in a confererence room with some other guys from my project and make smart comments while the mute button is on. Best part about remote meetings. And no one cares if I actually get some work done during the meeting, either. Or blog, as the case may be.

Next month will be different since I'm going out to Redondo Beach, California for a meeting. And extending my stay so's I can go to my family's first reunion the following weekend. Oh, tres terrible!

Ok, gotta go now.

Let me call you sweetheart...

So Saturday I was having a marathon laundry day (just got my new washer after doing without and borrowing my visiting teachers' washer for about 3 weeks), so was watching (what else?) Combat! One of the Special Features was a radio interview Rick Jason had done back in the early 2000's. Who is Rick Jason, you ask? Yeah, that's him. Lt. Hanley. He has green eyes and dark hair and is, as one of the fanfic writers I've been reading states, absolutely yummy.

So, back to the interview. During the show several people called in, most of them women. He called all the women, 'Sweetheart,' and melted my heart each time he did it. There's just something about how he said it, with love and respect--and it was just so gentlemanly and sweet. At one point he was saying something to his wife, and he called her 'Sweetheart' too. See, Rick was an actor in the Golden Age of Hollywood. For movies he did mostly stinkers (his word, not mine), but he did have a good, 5-year run on Combat! Before that he was in a little known tv show playing a detective, and was the first detective to use martial arts on TV. He was referred to by the interviewer of the radio program as a Renaissance Man, being educated, well-spoken, with many interests. He just melted my heart, to hear him speak. And to hear him call the women, 'Sweetheart.'

In thinking about this the last couple days, I realized that my Dad does that--calls me Sweetheart. He called my mom that, too. Maybe it's a generational thing, since Dad and Rick Jason are of similar age (Rick is a bit older). I absolutely love it. So now I have something to add to my list of things I want to be called should I ever find someone to spend eternity with. I want him to call me Sweetheart. Although truthfully, the thing my dad called my mom that I liked the most was, "Light of my Life."

What do I have to say?

Hmmm, realized it's been a while since I blogged. Again. I seem to have fallen off the blogging bandwagon. So I guess if you really want to know what's up with me, you'll just have to call or email me and ask.

But before I go...

I did this silly thing. The magic Acai berry--have you heard of this? It's supposed to help with weight loss. I succumbed and signed up for a free trial. Within 3 days I was walking around with a stupid smile on my face. Two days later, I realized something significant. I wasn't depressed. I have been depressed for so long I can't remember what it's like to not be depressed. Except that I certainly recognized it when I felt it. The weight of depression was just gone. I guess there's some magic to that berry after all, at least, for me. In a way it does help with weight loss--I no longer feel the need to sit around and eat and eat and eat. I actually want to get up and do things. It's kind of amazing. I was at a dinner a few weeks ago as part of a choir thing I was doing, and I actually talked to everyone at the table, got them to introduce themselves and everything. Something I used to be able to do and haven't done for years. years.

Most people who've met me in the last 9 years have no idea what I used to be like, before Mom died, before the depression hit, before my biological clock went haywire, all that stuff I had to deal with in the last decade. Lots of garbage. It may not be over, but it will be a lot easier to deal with if I'm not depressed all the time.

Let's hear it for magic berries!

I'm FINE

Freaked-out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

(from The Italian Job--a great movie, btw)
What has put me in this fine state?

Well, first of all, I'm female (TMI alert--men skip down to next paragraph). My 'time of the month' is approaching, which means I'm more emotionally unstable than usual (that would be the E word above)

Second of all, last Friday night I was supposed to meet some friends at the movies. I found out kind of last minute, so I never called anyone to let them know I was coming, so perhaps this is my fault. However, I got there in plenty of time, hung out in the lobby for a bit, went into the theater to see if they were in there (they weren't), and since the theater was getting packed tried saving seats for them. They never showed. I ended up having to sit next to a group of women who came in and just took the seats I was saving, and talked through half the movie. It's kind of saying something that I still enjoyed the movie, it was just that good (it was The Women, although--men, don't bother going, just send your wives or significant others. Definitely a woman's film (not even really a chick-flick)). So I was reminded of all the other times I'd been stood up or cancelled on by friends (I've mentioned before that this happens to me a lot). I went home and overate. Because food is my friend, right? It's always there when I need it, and doesn't ever let me down... I know, I have to work on that (see word for 'I' above)

Third, I did go to MDRF on Saturday. I had to go, see, because this was my last opportunity to see Opening Gate. Next week starts the pilates class I signed up for on Saturday mornings, and there's no way I'd make it in time. I did get there in plenty of time to see Opening Gate, but was really surprised at the lack of people. I mean, there were people there, but only about a 1/4 of what I remember from last year. Maybe the threat of rain kept them away? It was a beautiful day, though. I went in, did some window-shopping (although can it be window shopping if there are no windows?), watched the morning caber-toss. It was Scottish Weekend, which meant that I wore my scottich outfit (and I was MELTING--not so much heat as humidity, I think). But also being Scottish Weekend, the Fight School boys were in KILTS!! Except for Hamish. It was like, bizarro weekend (Hamish usually wears the kilt). It was really great, though. Every guy I've ever seen in a kilt looks mm mmm yummy! I have pictures, but they're still in my camera along with the California pictures... Gotta get that fixed, too...

So back to my weekend review of MDRF. Fight School was fabulous, and I GOT MY DVD!!! Yay! Fight School in the winter months and spring months and summer too!! (takes deep breath and sighs like a silly girl). Ok, then I went to see Romeo and Juliet. While a lot of the soliloqy's were hard to hear (stupid helicopter anyway), it was a wonderful production. The actor and actress that played Romeo and Juliet were younger than I'd previously seen in the plays there (not that any of the regular actors are old--well, ok, maybe three of them are older), but they were really good. And so tragic. And I really liked the guy who played Paris. He was amazing. And cute.

I wandered a bit more, did some shopping, then sat for a few minutes to evaluate. I was melting (did I mention that?) I wasn't feeling well (emotionally, spiritually, mentally) since my mood from the night before carried into that day, I hadn't run into any of my other Ren friends (although I didn't go anywhere near the pubs they usually hang out, so that's probably my fault too--see word for N above). I was so hot. I must have been ill. I actually left about 2:00 pm. I know, I can't believe it either. Went home and crashed the rest of the day, only getting up to let Kitty in or out. I have got to get a kitty-door for her. Course, then she might start bringing in pet mice...

Fourth. Skipping Sunday and Monday, we come to today, and why I'm particularly Freaked-Out. I went to see a hand surgeon today. I'm going to be getting surgery on my right hand. According to him, it's not a question of if I need it, but when I'll have it done. I have moderately severe carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand. This has been developing for years, and I've had three doctors confirm this diagnosis--including my chiropractor, who initially suggested it. It's not scheduled yet, I need to call his secretary tomorrow, but I'm still a little Freaked Out. I remember when I had my Lasik surgery, how I had such a hard time asking anyone for help. Asking someone to shuttle me to and from the operation seemed like such an imposition. How dare I interrupt people during their busy schedules with their children and husbands and soccer practices and work schedules? Also, I spent five days after my initial Lasik procedure at home. Alone. No one called to even see if I was still alive. Then I have to remind myself, did I even tell anyone that I was getting it done? It was before the blogsphere I had joined with the ladies from church, and most of my LJ friends live quite a distance from me... So now I'm freaking out again because I'm going to have to impose on someone to help me get to and from Baltimore where they do the surgery. I'm not going to be able to lift anything more than about 8 ounces with my right hand for the next several days while I recover, I won't be able to drive for a couple days after the surgery, and I'm going to want to get back to work because at least there I have things to do and people will see if I fall down or something. Somehow I don't think Kitty's going to be much help. Although she might appreciate the fact that I'm at home and able to open the door for her (left-handed, of course).

So that's why I'm FINE.

PS In between writing this and posting, my friend Helen got me out of my office for a walk. I mentioned number four above, and she volunteered her husband to shuttle me around. So I may not have to impose on anyone after all, as long as Jim doesn't mind. We'll see, after I talk with my visiting teacher tonight. And actually schedule the surgery.

A moment of silence

Seven years ago, I was at work in the FUSE Satellite Control Center. We don't have much access to the outside world, but one of the operations team was reading the news on the internet when the news came. A plane had hit one of the two towers in New York City. There was confusion and turmoil as we all tried to find more information on what was going on. We put the information up on one of the overhead monitors (a giant screen on the wall). We heard a second plane had hit the second tower, and that one was headed for the Pentagon. We stood around and talked about war, about acts of war, about what this might mean for us, and for America.

And seven years later we're still trying to figure those things out.

Other things have happened on this day--babies have been born, people have reached milestones. Two years ago this is the day I began work at APL. Today my office mate is being moved to another part of campus, where she can be closer to her group, but she really didn't want to go. I personally will miss her.

And every year on this day I dress in patriotic colors. I get out my ribbon that I recieved from the Young Women in my ward in September, 2001, pin it to my blouse, and remember. Now that I have a house and an American Flag, it too is flying today.

Remember, remember. We must remember all those who died on that day, and all those who have died since. We must remember all those who died before, in wars--hot or cold. Defending the idea that people have a right to be who they want to be. To decide their own fate. To live their own lives in peace. Even when there is no peace.

May God be with you
Or whatever Higher Power you believe in.

Dancing

Happiness is...

Dancing around the world

If you don't have Astronomy Picture of the Day bookmarked, I can highly recommend it. And they archive everything so you don't have to check it every day!

"Let them worship how where or what they may"

I like to listen to my scriptures on the way to work. For the last couple of days, I forgot to bring my CD case out with me to the car (I had to switch out my regular listening fare for Christmas music), so I've been doing without. This morning, frustrated with myself, I decided to recite the 13 Articles of Faith. I discovered that I need to review 5 and 12, and relearn 7 and 10. When I got to 11, it occured to me that if everyone in the world would adopt the 11th Article of Faith, the world would be such a better place.

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

The level of tolerance, acceptance, and respect for all peoples everywhere implied by this statement could change the world.

I think it's significant that the Articles of Faith were written at a time when my church was under heavy perscution, having just been driven out of Ohio and Missouri (where it's no longer legal to kill Mormons, since 1972) for what they believed. A newspaperman from Chicago wrote to Joseph Smith to ask what we believe in, and in his reply the 13 Articles of Faith were first documented--not in such a formal way, but still there in infant form.

The idea of allowing people to worship what they please is not a new one, being one of the founding tenants of our very country, but we still have trouble implementing it. Anyone who stands up and says, "You're wrong, because you don't believe what I do" proves it. I still see a lot of this, most recently on the message boards for the tv show House. House had a supposed Mormon in his ranks of interns, and in one of the message threads talking about this, there was a person whose sole purpose was to state how horrible and awful the Mormons are because of what we believe. I know there are also narrow minded people out there who think that just because a person is Islamic that means they're a terrorist. And how many terrorists would there be if we got rid of all the ones who terrorize in the name of religion?

At this time of year, when Christians celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, when Jews celebrate the miracle of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa is celebrated, and the winter solstice occurs, may we all carry a little peace in our hearts, regardless of where we believe it comes from. Let everyone worship how, where, and what they may.

A week later...

For those who don't know (probably just my brother who reads my blog from time to time--the rest can skip this paragraph), an Evil Person entered our church building last Wednesday night during our activities, and tried to entice young girls to leave with him. He was successful with the fourth, who was found a couple miles away wandering around. Even the police were shocked that he would enter a church and do this. It has shocked and scared everyone in my ward, and in the way of such things brought us a little closer together as we increase our vigilance for all the children.

Nearly everyone has mentioned this to some degree on their blogs, so I thought maybe I should throw this out there to the great beyond. Or maybe I'm just being a troll?? I've been feeling a little disassociated from the matter (calling it an 'incident' seems to belittle it somehow, and I certainly don't mean to do that). I don't know who was involved, and I'm deliberately stopping myself from trying to figure it out, against my more 'natural' instincts. I don't have any children of my own, so I guess it's not as personal for me, although I am certainly in 'over-protective Aunt' mode.

I watch a lot of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and it has long bothered me how the kids would run around like crazy people at church with their parents barely knowing where they were or what they were doing. A few years ago one small child wandered outside the building and couldn't get back in. It bothered everyone in the Ward Council, of which I'm a part, but we couldn't seem to get the parents to understand that just because we're at church doesn't mean we're safe. Just because there are other adults around, doesn't mean they're looking out for your children. Whenever I see small children running around outside I tell them to go find their parents, but as soon as I was out of sight I'm almost certain they would turn around and start playing again. How do you encourage childhood and yet still keep them safe?

Well, my ward is taking measures to increase the safety of all who are at the building. From now on when someone unfamiliar enters the building they will be greeted by one of the bretheren who will--in a nice way--find out who they are and why they're there. This may have been enough to deter the Evil Person last week, but we'll never know for sure. He probably would have just gone somewhere else and tried to vicitmize someone else's child. Here's hoping and praying that the police catch him quickly.