Such a fangirl

I have been a fangirl nearly all my life.  I remember running around the house when I was about 4 years old pretending Donny Osmond was with me on whatever adventure I was having.  I got this from my oldest sister, who adored Jay Osmond and had posters of all the Osmonds on her walls.  As I grew up I added more things to my list: Star Wars, Duran Duran, S.W.A.T, even TV series' that I was only able to catch in re-runs.  I edit my list every now and then, but Star Wars has always been a staple.

What does a fangirl do, you may ask.  She pretty much scours the internet for pictures and fanfiction of her current focus (we don't use the word obsession).  She goes to conventions to get pictures of her favorites, and if the actors come to the convention then she gets their autograph.  She participates in message boards and most recently facebook--yes, I am now facebook friends with Qui-Gon Jinn, though he doesn't post very much.

Most recently I've added The Hobbit.

I told my sister once that if I had a family, that would be my focus, but as it is, I'm free to obsess over any guy I consider cute.  This year, it's Aidan Turner as Kili the Dwarf and his brother Fili played by Dean O'Gorman.



Fili and Kili--aint' they cute?




My favorite Kili pic




Not as many good pics of Fili, but this one is ok

 Aren't they adorable?  I just want to bring them home and, well, I should proabably stop there.  Fili is 82, Kili is 77, which is young for dwarves, but not for humans, so I think we're ok on the age thing.  So yes, I've seen The Hobbit 6 times now, the first two times in basic 2D, the next 4 times in IMAX HFR 3D (that means it was huge, with 48 frames per second--the quality was incredible, and the action was very clear).  So now I'm into dwarves.  Which is kind of weird, since the dwarves are pretty forgettable in the book--the only one you really get familiar with is Thorin

Uncrowned King under the Mountain

and in the book he's a bit of a jerk.  I suspect we'll come to dislike him in the next couple instalments of the movie, though.  It's hard to find good pictures of Thorin that don't make him look like a Klingon, too.  But this one is ok.

So now I want to spend all my time and money going to Middle-Earth in spirit if not in actuality.  Such a fangirl am I.  At least my dreams are pleasant.

"Let him see you cry"

So.  I had to deal with this really hard thing last week.  I put up a post on facebook to ask for prayers and good thoughts (for those who don't pray) sent my way.  And it really helped.  In the middle of an emotional meeting with me, the person I was in conflict with, and a moderator (who was a friend of both of us), the person began once again to do the thing that scares me, and I told him "that's not relevant" then hid my face in my hands, even as the moderator was saying essentially the same thing.  And I heard a quiet, detatched voice in my head say, "Let him see you cry."  So I did (it wasn't that hard, I was about 2 millimeters away from crying anyway).  I did try to tell them they could leave, but the moderator wisely had them both stay until I could get myself under control.  It was a very hard thing, and afterwards, once my work was done, I actually left work and went home and took a nap.  I was pretty wiped out.  However, I think the person finally got that I wasn't coming from where he thought I was coming from.  I think we can move forward now.  I think a big part of why is the support I got from my friends and family on facebook.  I believe that the Holy Ghost told me to let him see me cry.  After I composed myself I was able to tell him that I thought he was going to threaten me again, and that's why I got scared and started to cry.  He was appalled to learn that I was afraid of him.  Apparently he's never been angry with someone who wouldn't fight back before.

I just wanted to document this somewhere, and let those who read my blog and my facebook posts that it really, really did help.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog reading.