I'm FINE

Freaked-out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

(from The Italian Job--a great movie, btw)
What has put me in this fine state?

Well, first of all, I'm female (TMI alert--men skip down to next paragraph). My 'time of the month' is approaching, which means I'm more emotionally unstable than usual (that would be the E word above)

Second of all, last Friday night I was supposed to meet some friends at the movies. I found out kind of last minute, so I never called anyone to let them know I was coming, so perhaps this is my fault. However, I got there in plenty of time, hung out in the lobby for a bit, went into the theater to see if they were in there (they weren't), and since the theater was getting packed tried saving seats for them. They never showed. I ended up having to sit next to a group of women who came in and just took the seats I was saving, and talked through half the movie. It's kind of saying something that I still enjoyed the movie, it was just that good (it was The Women, although--men, don't bother going, just send your wives or significant others. Definitely a woman's film (not even really a chick-flick)). So I was reminded of all the other times I'd been stood up or cancelled on by friends (I've mentioned before that this happens to me a lot). I went home and overate. Because food is my friend, right? It's always there when I need it, and doesn't ever let me down... I know, I have to work on that (see word for 'I' above)

Third, I did go to MDRF on Saturday. I had to go, see, because this was my last opportunity to see Opening Gate. Next week starts the pilates class I signed up for on Saturday mornings, and there's no way I'd make it in time. I did get there in plenty of time to see Opening Gate, but was really surprised at the lack of people. I mean, there were people there, but only about a 1/4 of what I remember from last year. Maybe the threat of rain kept them away? It was a beautiful day, though. I went in, did some window-shopping (although can it be window shopping if there are no windows?), watched the morning caber-toss. It was Scottish Weekend, which meant that I wore my scottich outfit (and I was MELTING--not so much heat as humidity, I think). But also being Scottish Weekend, the Fight School boys were in KILTS!! Except for Hamish. It was like, bizarro weekend (Hamish usually wears the kilt). It was really great, though. Every guy I've ever seen in a kilt looks mm mmm yummy! I have pictures, but they're still in my camera along with the California pictures... Gotta get that fixed, too...

So back to my weekend review of MDRF. Fight School was fabulous, and I GOT MY DVD!!! Yay! Fight School in the winter months and spring months and summer too!! (takes deep breath and sighs like a silly girl). Ok, then I went to see Romeo and Juliet. While a lot of the soliloqy's were hard to hear (stupid helicopter anyway), it was a wonderful production. The actor and actress that played Romeo and Juliet were younger than I'd previously seen in the plays there (not that any of the regular actors are old--well, ok, maybe three of them are older), but they were really good. And so tragic. And I really liked the guy who played Paris. He was amazing. And cute.

I wandered a bit more, did some shopping, then sat for a few minutes to evaluate. I was melting (did I mention that?) I wasn't feeling well (emotionally, spiritually, mentally) since my mood from the night before carried into that day, I hadn't run into any of my other Ren friends (although I didn't go anywhere near the pubs they usually hang out, so that's probably my fault too--see word for N above). I was so hot. I must have been ill. I actually left about 2:00 pm. I know, I can't believe it either. Went home and crashed the rest of the day, only getting up to let Kitty in or out. I have got to get a kitty-door for her. Course, then she might start bringing in pet mice...

Fourth. Skipping Sunday and Monday, we come to today, and why I'm particularly Freaked-Out. I went to see a hand surgeon today. I'm going to be getting surgery on my right hand. According to him, it's not a question of if I need it, but when I'll have it done. I have moderately severe carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand. This has been developing for years, and I've had three doctors confirm this diagnosis--including my chiropractor, who initially suggested it. It's not scheduled yet, I need to call his secretary tomorrow, but I'm still a little Freaked Out. I remember when I had my Lasik surgery, how I had such a hard time asking anyone for help. Asking someone to shuttle me to and from the operation seemed like such an imposition. How dare I interrupt people during their busy schedules with their children and husbands and soccer practices and work schedules? Also, I spent five days after my initial Lasik procedure at home. Alone. No one called to even see if I was still alive. Then I have to remind myself, did I even tell anyone that I was getting it done? It was before the blogsphere I had joined with the ladies from church, and most of my LJ friends live quite a distance from me... So now I'm freaking out again because I'm going to have to impose on someone to help me get to and from Baltimore where they do the surgery. I'm not going to be able to lift anything more than about 8 ounces with my right hand for the next several days while I recover, I won't be able to drive for a couple days after the surgery, and I'm going to want to get back to work because at least there I have things to do and people will see if I fall down or something. Somehow I don't think Kitty's going to be much help. Although she might appreciate the fact that I'm at home and able to open the door for her (left-handed, of course).

So that's why I'm FINE.

PS In between writing this and posting, my friend Helen got me out of my office for a walk. I mentioned number four above, and she volunteered her husband to shuttle me around. So I may not have to impose on anyone after all, as long as Jim doesn't mind. We'll see, after I talk with my visiting teacher tonight. And actually schedule the surgery.