On the way to becoming fabulous!

Greetings my readers (or as I suspect is true, reader)

Since my last post I went on a trip/vacation.  I went to CA to see my nevvy married to a beautiful young woman:

Lauren and Dalan

I then went to Albuquerque to play with a couple friends:

Me, Wendy, and Lori

Too fun, I tell you.  Much museums, much shopping, and so much teasing.

Then it was my birthday, although I kind of felt like I'd been celebrating for a week or so, and it got extended a little.  I got presents from my sisters, one of which is totally amazing:

The Hobbit in quilt form

Can you see it?  It's The Hobbit in quilt form.  Simply beautiful. And yes, she made it herself.  She does that kind of thing (the woman makes her own soap).

I also went to see Les Miserables at Toby's Dinner Theater the day after my birthday.  It was wonderful.  Usually their productions are good, but this was somehow above their normal level.  My friend's son Jace was in it, as Gavroche.  He died really well.

So I've acquired books by Geneen Roth - "When Food is Love" is the first one I've been reading.  As I read, I think of things in my childhood that happened, or as a teenager, and I journal about them.  It seems that just looking at the issue for what it is makes it not an issue anymore.  I've been a lot happier lately, more so than in a long time.  Of course, I've been stressed out for the last 2 1/2 years thanks to Drama Club, and other things too, so this is the first time I've been unstressed about anything for a long time.

 So I'm taking the opportunity, and thanks to Uncle Bill the financial means, to hire a personal trainer.  I am going to get healthy.  My PT is actually a friend of mine, who I've known for a long time, but had moved to Hawaii for a while.  She's back now, her and her family, and she works through Columbia Association.  I suppose I really should have moved to Columbia instead of Laurel; oh well. I'll see how much the membership costs, and see if it will balance against the extra I have to pay for not being a member.

Lots of stuff going on.  Inner work, outer work, and basically just being for a while.  It's hard to explain that I'm really not being selfish, taking time to work on me.  Some people just don't get it.  I've spent too much time trying to make others happy, trying to anticipate their needs (usually anticipating the wrong thing, adding to my stress because I feel unappreciated), and putting myself last with the end result that I'm unhealthy and can't physically do as much as I'd like to.

End result - I'm more cheerful than I've been in a long time.  I always thought of myself as a happy, cheerful person, but after my Mom passed away, the cheerfulness kind of went away.  I feel now as if it has come back.  Yay :D

Grief

If you follow my Facebook posts, you know that last weekend was unexpectedly hard.  I went to Time Out for Women with four friends.  Friday was so much fun, with the evening portion of the event.  Michael McLean was there, singing for us, the presenters talked about five women who helped keep Christianity alive through the dark ages (well, really early Renaissance, but who's counting?).  I hoped they had a book on that, but maybe they're still working on it.  Michael performed, with his partner, songs from his new show Threads, which was really good.

Saturday began well enough, but once it started, it began to go downhill.  Presenter one talked about how half his family was killed in a car accident.  Presenter two talked about her struggles to have children, including adopting a child only to have the birth mother want the child back.  Presenter three must have talked about something else because he didn't fit the unintentional theme of the day.  Presenter four talked about how his brother-in-law and baby died - from illness at separate times, but the baby was named after the brother-in-law.  At this point I was about ready to die myself.  But it wasn't over yet. Also, interspersed between the presentations was the musical group, Mercy River.  All so sweet, singing about being 'higher' and the challenges they face being mothers.  Yeah.  Mothers.  I'm not a mother, I'm probably not ever going to be a mother at this point, and so far the themes have been overcoming death/adversity and motherhood.  So the last presenter gets up, and first thing says that "no one died".  Then proceeds to tell how she had cancer in her eyes when she was a child and lost most of her sight and later in life lost the rest of it, and even though she was so funny, I found it most upsetting and disturbing.  I walked out of there far more depressed than when I walked in.  The theme of the conference was "Higher", as in Think Higher, Believe Higher, Live Higher.  Uplifting, right?  So how was I so depressed afterwards?

I posted a sad litte fb post afterwards, on our way to Cheesecake Factory (man did I need some cheesecake!), got a lot of random comments on it, but one friend said that maybe there's something I need to deal with, and that this is really a blessing.  I think she may be right.

I went and talked to a friend last night - she works at an end-of-life center, so she knows a lot about dealing with grief.  I needed to vocalize what I was feeling and thinking, and she was the perfect sounding board.  We came to realize that that I have been stuffing and storing a lot of grief, not wanting to deal with it, not having time to deal with it - making myself too busy to deal with it?  I'm trying to make lifestyle changes, not just counting calories or killing myself exercising, but actual changes that will make me overall healthier and happier.  I'm realizing that I need to deal with these these things along the way.  It was interesting to me that as we were driving to CF after the conference was over, I had a great desire to eat.  I didn't care what, I just wanted to eat for comfort.  I was smart about it, mostly, but that's what I did.  And I felt better, except that I'd given myself a headache from crying/trying not to cry.

So lifestyle changes, dealing with things I was saving for a rainy day (tears count as rain, right?).  You know what I miss?  I miss the opportunity to just talk with my sister on a regular basis.  I really should call her up about once a month just to talk.  Just because.  Course then she'd have to listen to me (!) but I'd get to listen to her too, and all about her kids' antics.  Miss you, sis.

September

I know, everyone always asks this, but where has the year gone?

The last few weeks have been quiet for me, as I spend the weekends chillin' with the kitties and doin' the church thing.  I'm in the Library, you may remember, which means I rarely get to Sunday School anymore.  My counterpart, Bro Bishop, usually takes his autistic son to his class, which I agree is more important.  I did actually get to Sunday School this past week though (the son didn't want to move from the floor where he was resting).  and of course, they were talking about marriage.  Yikes.  It wasn't too bad, or preachy, but I seriously can NOT relate.  So I left early, knowing they'd all think I was going back to the library, which I did.  Cuz there's really no where else to go.  Except maybe stay in the hallway and play with the babies.  That's fun sometimes.  Or talk to their mommies, which I ended up doing later.

I've added a new musical group to my list - Simple Plan.  A friend of mine on Facebook (hereafter FB) LOVES them.  Like I loved Duran Duran in the day (and when I was her age, actually).  So she finally got me to listen to some of their songs, and I like them.  So that's fun.  I have a hard time choosing new music - I don't listen to the 'new music' radio stations because they generally play too much rap or hip-hop for me, I don't know that there's an alternative - or what we used to call alternative - music station in the area, so I usually end up listening to Jack FM, which plays all old music from the 70's and 80's.  Usually 80's, and I'm happy with that.  But I do miss out on new music.  My niece is supposed to keep me informed, but she's lousy at it. (sorry 'kota!)

Work is going well - we passed our one-year mark last Friday.  Our spacecraft are 1 year old!  Yay!  One more year of Primary Mission, then we're on to see if we get Extended or not.  If we're still working and producing good science, there's no reason why we couldn't be.  Unless Congress decides to be stupid, which is always a possibility.

I've been reading again - I even updated my Goodreads account to reflect some of the books I've been reading.  I didn't put down that I recently re-read the Percy Jackson series (I had to, after the movie!).  I'm currently reading another urban fantasy with a female protaganist, Royal Street.  I'll let you know how it is (well, if you're friends with me on Goodreads, and I think most of my readers here are).

I began a new page on Facebook for Aidan Turner: Aidan Turner All the Time, if you're interested.  I only post about 2-3 pictures of him a day, cuz that's what I really want.  Pictures of Aidan to look at.

Isn't he cute?  Those of you who have known me for a while know that this is standard behavior for me (I did mention Duran Duran, did I mention the scrapbooks I made? no FB in those days, sadly)

Managed to work in my yard this past weekend - the rosemary bush was blamed for knocking out my AC, so I cut it back down to size,  Anyone want a rosemary bush?  I like it, it just likes to take over my backyard.  Need to do more, though.  The goal is to get it to a place where I can have my Visiting Teachers over to visit with me in the back yard.  Maybe in October.