As you, my friends, know, I have been single all my life. I haven't had a date in over 10 years (you *know* I wouldn't keep a thing like that from my blog!). So last weekend I went to a class on Relationship Counseling. When I heard about it, I decided I need to show Heavenly Father--and myself--that I'm serious about finding a special someone and start doing something about it. The course was being run by a woman I know, who I respect. She's been married twice, divorced twice, and has figured out--finally--that being single is not equivalent to having the plague or leprosy (sometimes it feels like that).
It was an amazing experience. We had a workbook, and I still have to do my homework, but the thing I really came out of it with is this: I do know who I am and what I want. I do have a really good life that I created for myself with help from Above. I have actually been working on this since I was a teenager and I was told in my Patriarchal Blessing that I should develop self-confidence. It's rather life-affirming to realize that I am the woman I envisioned when I was a teenager. Somehow, for the last eight years, I forgot what I was working for, and trying to become. Yes, the 'eight' is significant, since that's when my Mom passed away. A lot of things got derailed at that time.
In the course, we talked some about dating--concious dating, or being aware of what you want in a partner, and unconcious dating, where as long as they're breathing, they'll do. We talked a lot about Requirements vs Needs vs Wants. For example, a Requirement is that we need to eat food. A Need is that we need to eat nutritiously: vegetables, fruits, breads, protien, all in moderation of course. A Want is that we'd rather have our milk in the form of cheesecake. So while I would want to have Mr tall, dark, and handsome (Hugh Jackman, Liam Neeson, or even Orlando Bloom), what I need is someone who will support me, and someone who will let me support him. Someone who is strong, intelligent, and capable, like me. What I require is that he be a worthy priesthood holder in my church. Or willing to become one. Of course there are more, in each category.
I've known for a long time that there are few men confidant enough to be able to put up with both my religion and my profession. And they're all married, so they don't count (I also require that he be legally avialable). I refuse to settle for anything less than what I require; there is no reason for me to settle. I'm financially stable, and now that I have a cat I'm not nearly as lonely as I used to be. I have family and friends scattered across the country, and friends nearby that have told me to consider them my family.
During the course we started working on our Vision Statements, and mine starts like this: I am a strong, intelligent, capable woman of faith.
That is who I am.
I remind myself of this every morning, and move forward with confidence that I can be and do anything. That's something my mother taught me. I hope you know that you can, too.
Thanks for listening.
PS This is a positive, affirming post--sometimes it's hard to get the tone, so I'm just letting you know.
