Of families and failures

Selfish Brat
Apparently I'm a selfish brat. Three of my eight siblings think so, anyway. Doesn't matter what I say or try to do, I'm apparently only motivated by selfish feelings. I try to let them know how I feel when they treat me badly and I'm suddenly too sensitive. I don't tell them how I feel and they walk all over me. Like I don't matter. Then they have the nerve to tell me that even if they forget me most of the time, I'm still family, they still love me, and if I ever became homeless I could live with them. Like I would. I'd rather be homeless than live somewhere where I'm going to be judged as stupid and incompetent, selfish and rude. Like I'd even let them know how I feel or what's going on with me since they'll just put it through their 'selifish brat' filter and determine that I deserve it. Adversity is a part of life and if they forget me at Christmastime I should just deal with it.

Doesn't seem like such a big deal, does it? Being forgotten at Christmastime? How about the year my Mom died and they forgot me? How about the year everything was going wrong and a simple kind thing would have made such a difference, but they forgot me. Consider that I have serious depression, currently treated with medication. Before I got treatment, though, there was an actual suicide attempt. Because I was convinced my family didn't love me. Seems silly and selfish of me, huh? Being forgotten, left out, or ignored by the very people who claim to love me the most. Really? They care about me? Seriously?

Fortunately, like I said, five of them do actually behave like they don't mind having me around. They don't put everything I say into the 'oh she's just being selfish again' filter.

Sorry, I just had to rant. Now the whole world knows that three of my siblings are, in fact, unwilling to let me progress past my teenage years when I probably was a selfish brat. Most teenagers are, after all. Including them.

Easter
I had a lovely Easter. I went to my sister B's house. She's great. My niece was having her 8th birthday on Easter Sunday, and my sister and her husband were able to arrange for their daughter to be baptized on that same day. Before General Conference (also on that day). Both sets of grandparents came, too. A very full house, but it was fun. We did an Easter Egg hunt at her church between the Saturday sessions of Conference, had a couple of potlucks, one each day (at which there was no green salad!!), and listened to Conference on the internet at her house. I was able to spend a lot of quality time with the 2-year-old, since B had everyone painting cabinets in the kitchen. Paint + toddler doesn't go very well. So we went outside and played. B could work in peace, I got to play with J, and everyone was happy. The other kids were helping their grandma clean out the mini-van, so it would be clean for Sunday. They may not have been quite so happy, come to think of it.

Running
I've been progressing with my running. I've gone to two classes and done my homework (two workouts in-between classes, which are held once a week). I bought new running shoes, and I'll be trying them out tomorrow. It's not much fun while doing it, but it feels really good afterwards. I've managed to undo all the damage I did over Easter weekend, with all the poor choices I was presented with for eating. Now, it wasn't my sister's fault. Like I said, two potlucks. No vegetables at either one. And me giving into my cravings for all that yummy food. It's really hard watching what I eat and trying to make good choices sometimes. Good thing there's running.

TV
With work and church being pretty much the same, the only other thing I really do is watch TV. I'm currently watching:
Monday: Chuck, Life Unexpected, Castle
Tuesday: NCIS, LOST, V, The Good Wife
Wednesday: Human Target, In Plain Sight
Thursday:The Mentalist
Friday: Who do you think you are, Medium, Stargate Universe, Merlin

I have more shows that I follow, but these are the only ones on right now. In the summertime I'll be adding Leverage, Burn Notice, and Royal Pains. Maybe a few more. Cause I'm a selfish brat and can't be bothered to do anything else. Just ask my cat.