What's the song that goes "you calm my restlessness"? i think it's from Icehouse, late '80's. Anyway, it's been popping into my head. I've been feeling restless. Like I want a change. I'm not sure where to make the change. Usually when I get like this I start thinking about dropping out of church. It's not that I don't have a testimony, it's just that I'm tired. I'd like to just stay home all day on Sunday and play with my cats. Or watch tv. Or just not have to deal with anyone else (can you tell I'm an introvert?). Sometimes the whole not having a family thing just gets to me, and I lose the point of doing these same things over and over and over. And over and over. Everything the same. Always. Sundays always the same. Mondays through Fridays always the same, get up and go to work. Sit at my desk all day long. Pretend I care about things. Go home and try to keep from eating everything I can find (not very successfully, usually). Watch tv with the cat. Feed and attempt to play with the other cat. Always the same. Even with the play I'm in, the rehearsals have settled into a routine. Saturdays there are some variations, but usually I can't even force myself up off the couch unless I have plans with someone. And even then, I've been known to cancel at the last minute.
Am I bored? Am I tired of the routine? Am I exhibiting signs of depression? (yes, that's an issue for me, controlled with medication and an herbal remedy). Or maybe I just want it to be spring.
But it would be nice to do something different at Church. Much as I love Nursery, it's just not challenging anymore. And I really dislike being SM music conductor at the moment. Sometimes when I've had this calling I absolutely loved it. Now it's just another ordeal I have to get through every Sunday. But one doesn't ask to be released, do they? And I've made it so clear that I love Nursery, I don't think they'd even consider releasing me. Particularly since people who love Nursery are so hard to find.
So here I am, restless. Wanting a change. Or maybe a vacation. I miss having family close enough to drive to. Definitely would have gone down there a couple weekends ago. My next trip is the end of April, and it seems so far away.
2 comments:
I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Don't give up. A vacation sounds lovely! Jane Eyre is coming out on Friday and I plan on curing my winter blues by going to it lots!:)
I really understand how you feel. Ever since I got called into the nursery I have been not wanting to go to church on Sundays. It's not because I don't have a testimony either. I feel like I go to watch other people's kids so they can go be spiritually fed. Nursery is hard because it is hard to be spiritually enlightened in a room full of crazy kiddos.
As for the same day to day thing getting old, I don't think it's because you "don't have a family". I feel the same way very often and I have things to keep me on my feet.
I wish I could come give you a hug right now. I love you and can't wait to see you this summer. maybe we could do something exciting that we don't do day to day. :)
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